Abbot and Costello with new style ‘Who’s on First’

You have to be old enough to remem­ber Abbott and Cos­te­llo,
And too old to REALLY unders­tand com­pu­ters, to fully appre­ciate this. For those of us who some­ti­mes get flus­te­red by our com­pu­ters, please read on…
If Bud Abbott and Lou Cos­te­llo were alive today, their infa­mous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?‘might have tur­ned out something like this:

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COSTELLO CALLS TO BUYCOMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper com­pu­ter store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m set­ting up an office in my den and I’m thin­king about buying a com­pu­ter.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your com­pu­ter?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a com­pu­ter. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Win­dows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a com­pu­ter with Win­dows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the win­dows?
ABBOTT: Wall­pa­per.
COSTELLO: Never mind the win­dows. I need a com­pu­ter and soft­ware.
ABBOTT: Soft­ware for Win­dows?
COSTELLO: No. On the com­pu­ter! I need something I can use to write proposals,

Track expen­ses and run my busi­ness. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recom­mend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recom­mend something.
COSTELLO: You recom­men­ded something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recom­mend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recom­mend Office with Win­dows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with win­dows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting

At my com­pu­ter and I want to type a pro­po­sal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Win­dows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for win­dows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers.

What about finan­cial book­kee­ping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bund­led with your com­pu­ter.
COSTELLO: What’s bund­led with my com­pu­ter?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my com­pu­ter?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my com­pu­ter? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it ille­gal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Mic­ro­soft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper com­pu­ter store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my com­pu­ter off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’…