Microsoft Office 2010 Beta
So I am going through my email yesterday and I come across an email from TechNet announcing the beta of Microsoft 2010.
Even though I am a huge supporter of Open Office, I decided to give it a try. Since I already had a Hotmail account, the registration was very simple and within 5 minutes I was downloading the installer.
One of the first things I noticed when I began to install the application, was the options that were not selected. As seen in this screenshot, very few features are installed by default.
The install did seem to take a bit longer than normal, how much was part of the installer versus my test machine is undecided. None the less the installer did not take more than 20 minutes or so. Since I spend more time in the Word application that was where I headed first. It does appear that MS did listen to a lot of users concerning the start orb and has replaced it with the File tab. The remainder of the ribbon bar looks remarkably the same.
When you do go to the file tab, you get a lot more information at your mouse point without having to do a lot of digging.
So off I go. As I mentioned I use Open Office by default, so the first thing I did was open one of my documents created in Writer. It did take a few moments to bring the document up, but all of my formatting (such as it was) remained. I could even save it back into the .odt extension. There was the warning that the format was not completely compatible. I opened the file in Writer again and everything was golden. That was a big check mark in my books right there. Microsoft has been drug over the coals (rightfully so) for not being more compatible with other applications, this is a good step forward.
The next thing I wanted to look at was how it handles writing to a blog (not just Microsoft Live spaces). I realized how happy I was for the file menu to be back. With a couple of clicks I was being prompted to setup my blog connection. I selected Wordpress and entered the server and login information. Next time I know, I am writing the entry right now. One of the great features is the screenshot feature. Like the snipping tool in Vista and Windows 7, the screenshot tool is wonderful. When you go to insert you see the option screenshot, with the down arrow, you have the ability to just grab a full window or use the snipping tool. All of the images in this post were created using this format.
So far, I must say I am actually impressed with the direction of at least the Word portion. I will play with the excel portion later. Check back…
Categories: Reviews Tags: age, application, are, as, beta, blog, center, coals, comp, Content, Download, Email, Excel, family, far, few moments, file tab, formatting, Great, heck, Helpdesk, hotmail, hotmail account, Installer, mail, Micro, microsoft, microsoft live spaces, Microsoft Office, mom, mouse point, norm, odt extension, Office, Old, open office, orb, post, Read, REG, remainder, Ribbon, ribbon bar, screenshot, space, START, technet, test, test machine, text, the, tool, use, Vista, warning, Window, WINDOWS, word, word application, you
Abbot and Costello with new style ‘Who’s on First’
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
And too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?‘might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
Track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting
At my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers.
What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’…
Categories: Humor Tags: abbot and costello, abbot costello, abbott and costello, abbott costello, age, are, as, bud abbott, bud abbott and lou costello, buying a computer, can, comp, computer, computer store, Content, family, few days, Financial, Helpdesk, lou costello, Micro, microsoft, new style, Office, Old, pape, proposal, proposals, Read, sketch, Software, START, the, title, track expenses, use, wallpaper, Window, WINDOWS, word, you
Cool Google Interfaces
Google has always been known for not being the norm. An example is changing the banner image everyday for one event or another. Take today (October 7th) as an example. It is the date that barcodes were invented. They made the banner image a large bar code.
In addition to the logos, they have every language represented for their translation services as well as general search. For most, that would be enough. Not Google. Try this.
Go to Google.com, type Google L337 hit “I’m Feeling Lucky”.
You should see:
Direct Link: http://www.googoth.co.in/
There are a few more listed below. Please remember to go back to the main Google site before try each one:
Search Term: Google Gothic
Direct Link: http://www.googoth.co.in/
Search Term: Google Linux
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/linux
Search Term: Google BSD
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/bsd
Search Term: Google Ewmew
Direct Link:http://www.google.com/intl/xx-elmer/
Search Term: Google Klingon
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/
Search Term: Google Piglatin
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/intl/xx-piglatin/
Search Term: Google Easter Egg
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/Easter/feature_easter.html
Search Term: Google Bork
Direct Link: http://www.google.com/intl/xx-bork/
Categories: Browsers Tags: age, amp, are, as, banner image, bork, Content, easter egg, family, google, google search, googoth, Helpdesk, interface, intl, linux, logos, norm, piglatin, REG, search, search google, search term, the, title, translation, translation services, www google com, you
More Shortcuts for MS Word
Command Name Shortcut Keys ------------------------------------------------------------------------ All Caps CTRL+SHIFT+A Annotation ALT+CTRL+M App Maximize ALT+F10 App Restore ALT+F5 Apply Heading1 ALT+CTRL+1 Apply Heading2 ALT+CTRL+2 Apply Heading3 ALT+CTRL+3 Apply List Bullet CTRL+SHIFT+L Auto Format ALT+CTRL+K Auto Text F3 or ALT+CTRL+V Bold CTRL+B or CTRL+SHIFT+B Bookmark CTRL+SHIFT+F5 Browse Next CTRL+PAGE DOWN Browse Previous CTRL+PAGE UP Browse Sel ALT+CTRL+HOME Cancel ESC Center Para CTRL+E Change Case SHIFT+F3 Char Left LEFT Char Left Extend SHIFT+LEFT Char Right RIGHT Char Right Extend SHIFT+RIGHT Clear DELETE Close or Exit ALT+F4 Close Pane ALT+SHIFT+C Column Break CTRL+SHIFT+ENTER Column Select CTRL+SHIFT+F8 Copy CTRL+C or CTRL+INSERT Copy Format CTRL+SHIFT+C Copy Text SHIFT+F2 Create Auto Text ALT+F3 Customize Add Menu ALT+CTRL+= Customize Keyboard ALT+CTRL+NUM + Customize Remove Menu ALT+CTRL+- Cut CTRL+X or SHIFT+DELETE Date Field ALT+SHIFT+D Delete Back Word CTRL+BACKSPACE Delete Word CTRL+DELETE Dictionary ALT+SHIFT+F7 Do Field Click ALT+SHIFT+F9 Doc Close CTRL+W or CTRL+F4 Doc Maximize CTRL+F10 Doc Move CTRL+F7 Doc Restore CTRL+F5 Doc Size CTRL+F8 Doc Split ALT+CTRL+S Double Underline CTRL+SHIFT+D End of Column ALT+PAGE DOWN End of Column ALT+SHIFT+PAGE DOWN End of Doc Extend CTRL+SHIFT+END End of Document CTRL+END End of Line END End of Line Extend SHIFT+END End of Row ALT+END End of Row ALT+SHIFT+END End of Window ALT+CTRL+PAGE DOWN End of Window Extend ALT+CTRL+SHIFT+PAGE DOWN Endnote Now ALT+CTRL+D Extend Selection F8 Field Chars CTRL+F9 Field Codes ALT+F9 Find CTRL+F Font CTRL+D or CTRL+SHIFT+F Font Size Select CTRL+SHIFT+P Footnote Now ALT+CTRL+F Go Back SHIFT+F5 or ALT+CTRL+Z Go To CTRL+G or F5 Grow Font CTRL+SHIFT+. Grow Font One Point CTRL+] Hanging Indent CTRL+T Header Footer Link ALT+SHIFT+R Help F1 Hidden CTRL+SHIFT+H Hyperlink CTRL+K Indent CTRL+M Italic CTRL+I or CTRL+SHIFT+I Justify Para CTRL+J Left Para CTRL+L Line Down DOWN Line Down Extend SHIFT+DOWN Line Up UP Line Up Extend SHIFT+UP List Num Field ALT+CTRL+L Lock Fields CTRL+3 or CTRL+F11 Macro ALT+F8 Mail Merge Check ALT+SHIFT+K Mail Merge Edit Data Source ALT+SHIFT+E Mail Merge to Doc ALT+SHIFT+N Mail Merge to Printer ALT+SHIFT+M Mark Citation ALT+SHIFT+I Mark Index Entry ALT+SHIFT+X Mark Table of Contents Entry ALT+SHIFT+O Menu Mode F10 Merge Field ALT+SHIFT+F Microsoft Script Editor ALT+SHIFT+F11 Microsoft System Info ALT+CTRL+F1 Move Text F2 New CTRL+N Next Cell TAB Next Field F11 or ALT+F1 Next Misspelling ALT+F7 Next Object ALT+DOWN Next Window CTRL+F6 or ALT+F6 Normal ALT+CTRL+N Normal Style CTRL+SHIFT+N or ALT+SHIFT+CLEAR (NUM 5) Open CTRL+O or CTRL+F12 or ALT+CTRL+F2 Open or Close Up Para CTRL+0 Other Pane F6 or SHIFT+F6 Outline ALT+CTRL+O Outline Collapse ALT+SHIFT+- or ALT+SHIFT+NUM - Outline Demote ALT+SHIFT+RIGHT Outline Expand ALT+SHIFT+= Outline Expand ALT+SHIFT+NUM + Outline Move Down ALT+SHIFT+DOWN Outline Move Up ALT+SHIFT+UP Outline Promote ALT+SHIFT+LEFT Outline Show First Line ALT+SHIFT+L Overtype INSERT Page ALT+CTRL+P Page Break CTRL+ENTER Page Down PAGE DOWN Page Down Extend SHIFT+PAGE DOWN Page Field ALT+SHIFT+P Page Up PAGE UP Page Up Extend SHIFT+PAGE UP Para Down CTRL+DOWN Para Down Extend CTRL+SHIFT+DOWN Para Up CTRL+UP Para Up Extend CTRL+SHIFT+UP Paste CTRL+V or SHIFT+INSERT Paste Format CTRL+SHIFT+V Prev Cell SHIFT+TAB Prev Field SHIFT+F11 or ALT+SHIFT+F1 Prev Object ALT+UP Prev Window CTRL+SHIFT+F6 or ALT+SHIFT+F6 Print CTRL+P or CTRL+SHIFT+F12 Print Preview CTRL+F2 or ALT+CTRL+I Proofing F7 Redo ALT+SHIFT+BACKSPACE Redo or Repeat CTRL+Y or F4 or ALT+ENTER Repeat Find SHIFT+F4 or ALT+CTRL+Y Replace CTRL+H Reset Char CTRL+SPACE or CTRL+SHIFT+Z Reset Para CTRL+Q Revision Marks Toggle CTRL+SHIFT+E Right Para CTRL+R Save CTRL+S or SHIFT+F12 or ALT+SHIFT+F2 Save As F12 Select All CTRL+A or CTRL+CLEAR (NUM 5) or CTRL+NUM 5 Select Table ALT+CLEAR (NUM 5) Show All CTRL+SHIFT+8 Show All Headings ALT+SHIFT+A Show Heading1 ALT+SHIFT+1 Show Heading2 ALT+SHIFT+2 Show Heading3 ALT+SHIFT+3 Show Heading4 ALT+SHIFT+4 Show Heading5 ALT+SHIFT+5 Show Heading6 ALT+SHIFT+6 Show Heading7 ALT+SHIFT+7 Show Heading8 ALT+SHIFT+8 Show Heading9 ALT+SHIFT+9 Shrink Font CTRL+SHIFT+, Shrink Font One Point CTRL+[ Small Caps CTRL+SHIFT+K Space Para1 CTRL+1 Space Para15 CTRL+5 Space Para2 CTRL+2 Spike CTRL+SHIFT+F3 or CTRL+F3 Start of Column ALT+PAGE UP Start of Column ALT+SHIFT+PAGE UP Start of Doc Extend CTRL+SHIFT+HOME Start of Document CTRL+HOME Start of Line HOME Start of Line Extend SHIFT+HOME Start of Row ALT+HOME Start of Row ALT+SHIFT+HOME Start of Window ALT+CTRL+PAGE UP Start of Window Extend ALT+CTRL+SHIFT+PAGE UP Style CTRL+SHIFT+S Subscript CTRL+= Superscript CTRL+SHIFT+= Symbol Font CTRL+SHIFT+Q Thesaurus SHIFT+F7 Time Field ALT+SHIFT+T Toggle Field Display SHIFT+F9 Toggle Master Subdocs CTRL+\ Tool SHIFT+F1 Un Hang CTRL+SHIFT+T Un Indent CTRL+SHIFT+M Underline CTRL+U or CTRL+SHIFT+U Undo CTRL+Z or ALT+BACKSPACE Unlink Fields CTRL+6 or CTRL+SHIFT+F9 Unlock Fields CTRL+4 or CTRL+SHIFT+F11 Update Auto Format ALT+CTRL+U Update Fields F9 or ALT+SHIFT+U Update Source CTRL+SHIFT+F7 VBCode ALT+F11 Web Go Back ALT+LEFT Web Go Forward ALT+RIGHT Word Left CTRL+LEFT Word Left Extend CTRL+SHIFT+LEFT Word Right CTRL+RIGHT Word Right Extend CTRL+SHIFT+RIGHT Word Underline CTRL+SHIFT+W
Categories: Advice Tags: age, annotation, as, auto text, can, center, change case, Content, ctrl e, customize keyboard, data, f3, Find, heck, Home, hyperlink, mail, Micro, microsoft, object, Old, Past, print, Review, shortcut keys, shortcuts, size, space, START, system, text, the, tool, View, Web, Window, word, word command, word dictionary
Is a Computer Male or Female
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Author Unknown
Categories: Humor Tags: age, are, as, Association, author unknown, chalk, clue, comp, computer, counterparts, data, english counterparts, feminine gender, Find, french nouns, gender association, group of women, half the time, heck, Humor, internal logic, language instructor, logic, long term memory, masculine gender, memory, native language, paycheck, pencil, problem, puzzle, Recommendation, the, use, word, you
Instructions from the I.T. Department
- When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art.
- Don’t ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.
- If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, “I didn’t do anything.”
- When we say we’ll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won’t have to answer silly questions from us, like “what’s your screen saver password?”
- When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, “I can’t get my email”. We don’t need to know that the computer won’t even turn on.
- Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don’t really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.
- Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.
- When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn’t work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.
- If the document you sent to the printer didn’t print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.
- Don’t ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.
- Don’t waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?
- If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.
- Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.
- Don’t ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.
- Feel perfectly free to say things like “I don’t know anything about this computer crap”. We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
- When you receive a huge movie file that’s really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.
- Don’t bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.
- Don’t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.
- When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that’s the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.
- Don’t bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don’t need to keep track of those things.
- Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.
- Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.
Categories: Humor Tags: age, amp, animal, animals, are, as, baby pictures, bandwidth, bowling trophies, can, comp, computer, computer cables, copiers, disk, drive, Email, Emails, eq, error message, Files, Find, fix, flowers, FREE, fun, Great, hard drive, heck, help files, Internet, latest virus, mail, neighbors, Old, password, Picture, post, postcards, print, problem, Read, rtm, screen saver password, silly questions, space, test, the, uppercase, urgent emails, use, virus, word, you
Clampi Virus targets online banking
In the modern world, most people never see their bank (with the exception of ATM withdrawals). We use bill pay, direct deposit and bank debit cards. This is the exact behavior that the Clampi virus is living on.
Clampi is a very stealthy virus, just biding it’s time on a compromised machine and watching for connections to online financial websites. So many so that the London Times Online reports:
The trojan has a list of more than 4,500 finance-related websites that it monitors, including British high street banks. Security experts warned that it was one of the stealthiest and most pervasive threats to computers using the Microsoft Windows operating systems.
The virus appears to be geared with more of the business users instead of the normal home user (though it does infect home users). If the virus does end on a work computer, it will attempt to capture login credentials administrators and spread itself through the network. As it spreads, it continually monitors for login information to the watch list of financial websites. If this virus does infect the finance group of a company, it will attempt to send wire transfers from that account. You can ask Slack Auto Parts. It has been reported that they lost $75,000 July 3–7, says owner Henry Slack. Clampi-infected computers sent nine payments to six different mules � and failed to transfer an additional $69,000 in eight other attempts.
A word of warning, if your computer is designated for financial usage, please do not surf the internet or use social media sites to minimize the risk of infections.
Since this virus has been out for a while, all the major antivirus vendors have updated definition files that include the scan for this particular virus. Make sure your system is always updated and scanned on a regular basis. If you would like to run a quick check, using a different vendor, I recommend these online scanners:
TrendMicro: http://housecall65.trendmicro.com/
Symantec: http://security.symantec.com/sscv6/WelcomePage.asp
McAfee: http://home.mcafee.com/downloads/freescan.aspx?cid=60447
Panda: http://www.pandasecurity.com/activescan/index/
Categories: Malware Tags: age, amp, antivirus, antivirus vendors, are, as, atm withdrawals, attempts, bank debit cards, business users, can, comp, computer, Download, downloads, exact behavior, Files, finance group, financial websites, FREE, heck, henry slack, Home, home users, housecall65, Internet, login credentials, london times, mcafee, Micro, microsoft, microsoft windows, microsoft windows operating systems, online, panda, pervasive threats, ports, quick, Read, REG, scanner, Security, security experts, security symantec, street banks, symantec, system, the, title, Tree, trendmicro, use, virus, warning, Web, website, Welcome, Window, WINDOWS, windows operating system, windows operating systems, wire transfers, word, work computer, World, you
Must Have Application for Thumb Drives
It’s a sign of the time, you can buy a thumb drive almost anywhere. I have even seen them in Gas Stations in the Omaha area.
There are many reasons to use these drives: size, portability convenience, and storage space, all come to mind quickly. A lot of my external users do not even take their laptops to meetings anymore because they can keep all their presentations and such on a thumb drive and just plug into any machines.
On the other side of the coin, there are some inherent risks to the transportation of these devices. You may forget them on site, lose them while getting something from your pocket, so on and so forth. No matter the reason, if you lose your drive, all of that data is now available to the person that finds it.
Here are some examples of the type of data that can be lost by anyone:
Firm ‘broke rules’ over data loss
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has blamed a private contractor for losing the details of thousands of criminals, held on a computer memory stick.
Tax website shut down as memory stick with secret personal data of 12million is found in a pub car park
Ministers have been forced to order an emergency shutdown of a key Government computer system to protect millions of people’s private details.
The action was taken after a memory stick was found in a pub car park containing confidential passcodes to the online Government Gateway system, which covers everything from tax returns to parking tickets.
Two examples may not seem like a large amount, but if you look at the amount of data that was lost in these two examples you will realize how much data is at stake.
With that being said, I have found a free application that will help with this. Rohos Mini Drive Encryption. This app has a very small footprint and once your drive is setup, you don’t have to install software on any other computer to access that encrypted file.
According to the developers website they list the features as:
- Creates a virtual encrypted partition volume (disk) within a USB flash drive free space
- Automatically detects your USB stick config and creates encrypted partition
- Program does not require installation to work with encrypted partiton on a guest computer. You can start it right from USB drive
- Encrypted partition is protected by password
- Encryption is automatic and on-the-fly
- Encryption algorithm: AES 256 bit key length. NIST approved.
- Rohos Disk Browser to open encrypted partition without having Admin rights
- Virtual Keyboard — to protect your encrypted disk password from a key logger
- Autorun Folder. Saved program’s/file’s shortcut will automatically start/open up upon disk connection
- The limit of encrypted partition size is 2 GB
I find the software very easy to use and intuitive. In no time, I had carved 500 megs on one of my drives and was moving files over to the encrypted portion. To try out the functionality I handed the disk to my co-worker and watched as they put it in and sure enough none of the data showed. Just an executable. When run, the password challenge screen comes up. I really do like the idea of a virtual keyboard, particularly if you are on a computer that you do not know. Better safe then sorry in this world. Once the correct password is entered and accepted an explorer window is opened and all your files are accessible. It did take a few moments for me to see how to add new files to the encrypted volume. Just so you know, in the explorer window you can right click and import file.
As I said before, in this world, encrypt everything. I highly recommend this program to anyone with a thumb drive.
Categories: SW Tags: action, age, amp, application, are, as, can, car park, comp, computer, computer memory, dailymail, data, disk, drive, drive encryption, emergency shutdown, eq, external users, Files, Find, FREE, free application, fun, functionality, gateway system, government computer system, government gateway, Home, home secretary, Installation, jacqui smith, laptop, laptops, mail, memory, memory stick, mom, News, Old, omaha area, online, parking tickets, passcodes, password, print, private contractor, private details, program, quick, rules, sign of the time, size, small footprint, Software, space, START, station, storage, storage space, system, the, thumb drive, title, use, Web, website, Window, word, World, you
The System Administrator from Hell
Some days I get emails that just have to be shared. This is one of them. All credit to the original author, though I don’t know who it is.
Recently someone called me from one of the “Out on the Floor Offices”, an ethereal place rumored to exist only in hyperspace, populated by mysterious beings called Users.
She was quite frantic. She was having trouble running a program through the computer, and her message was clear enough, although rather ill-conceived: “My files are full!”
I furrowed my brow, lit a smoke, and explained to her, “Really now, Miss Russell, I don’t have time for this.” I slowly exhaled the menthol vapors as I stopped her process, crushing any hopes she may have had of ever again seeing that document she had spent three hours slaving over.
“I was typing this really important letter, and it has to be ready in an hour… there’s all this stuff on my screen that I didn’t type… it says something about an error, should I read it to you?”
“No point. Just press return.”
“Oh my, it wants my username. Can I restart that where I left off?”
“Not a chance.”
I drew another puff and tossed the phone aside. It occurred to me that if I had to hear one more of those whining complaint sessions, heads were going to roll. Where do you people get this stuff? I’m going to tell you what’s really going on here. Now listen up. I’m not going over this a second time:
- Computer
- The black box that does your work for you. That’s all you need to know.
- Response Time
- Usually measured in nanoseconds; sometimes measured in calendar months. The general rule is: Shut up your complaining about response time.
- Hardware
- See “Computer.” Again, not your concern.
- Software
- If we want you to know, we’ll tell you about it, otherwise, leave us alone.
- Network
- Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of it. Use it to send mail among your half-wit selves, and don’t think we won’t read it all. What do you think we do all day? By the way , Russell… shame about your mother’s Pancreas.
- Data
- The general rule is: Don’t use any data files and if you find any, delete them before I find out about them. In fact, just stay off the computer. (See “Response Time”)
- System Crash
- Don’t ever call the system manager to tell him you think the computer is down. Don’t call him to ask him when it will be up again. The more you bother him, the longer it takes.
- Downtime
- Like I said, don’t ask.
- Uptime
- Be thankful for it, use it wisely, and get out of my face.
- Overtime
- Don’t be ridiculous.
- Vacation
- A time during which I don’t have to put up with your sniveling. Don’t try calling. There’s no point.
- Computer Room
- Keep out, you’re not invited. Don’t knock on the door — don’t even think about it. I broke the phone last time one of you jerks called me, and I’m not about to replace it. And keep your greasy fingers off the windows.
- My Office
- The name says it all… it’s mine; stay out.
- Your Problems
- The name says it all…
- Deadlines
- The general rule is: Deadlines are not acknowledged by me; they’re not my responsibility. Go tell someone who cares.
- Maintenance
- A valid reason for shutting down the system at any time.
- Much more important than anything any of you bozos do.
- Anything I choose to call “maintenance” is maintenance.
- Software Upgrades
- Far too complex for you to comprehend. If I tell you I’m upgrading the system, just be quietly thankful. It’s for your own good, even if it does mean extensive downtime during peak hours.
- Electronic Mail
- I delete it before it’s read, so don’t bother sending any to me.
- Defaults
- We like them just like they are; we chose them for a reason. Don’t mess with them; consider them mandatory.
- Error Messages
- I’m not interested. I’m going to kill your process anyway, so keep them to yourself.
- Killing your Process
- Don’t ever ask why
- Beyond your control
- No warnings are given
- The highlight of my day
- If you call, it’s going to happen. No exceptions.
- Passwords
- I reserve the right to change them without notice at any time. I choose them, and the more you bother me, the more degrading yours will be. (Example: jrussell: SNOTFACE)
- Users
- They slow down the computer
- They waste my time
- A general nuisance
- Worse than that, actually
- Software Modifications
- You don’t know what you want — we’ll tell you what you want. It stays like it is. Period.
- Privileges
- I’ve got them, you don’t need them. Enough said.
- Priority
- Mine is higher than yours, accept it. That’s the reason my games run faster than your lousy accounting package. (See “Response Time”)
- Terminals
- Before calling me with a terminal problem, consider this:
- Are you prepared to do without one for weeks?
- Do you REALLY want your process killed?
- Did you just trip over the cord again?
- Of course you did.
- Disk Space
- I set the quotas, you live with them. If you need more space, check “Data Files”.
- Operator
- I hired him and I trained him. He does what I tell him to. Usually armed; always dangerous.
- Backups
- A good idea if I gave a shit, which of course I don’t.
- Lunch
- The only time that calling my office won’t result in the killing of your process.
- Data Security
- That’s your problem. I’m certainly not going to lose any sleep over it. My files are locked up tight. I feel secure.
- Jiffy
- Length of time it takes me to resolve your problem by killing your process.
- Eternity
- Length of time it takes me to give a shit about any problem that can’t be resolved by killing your process.
- Impossible
- It can’t be done (as far as you know)
- I can’t be bothered
- You’re starting to annoy me
- Inevitable
- Couldn’t have been avoided
- Not my fault (as far as you know)
- The result of annoying me
- Menus
- If it’s not on the menu, don’t ask for it. It’s not available. If it is on the menu, it’s probably of no use or it doesn’t work. We’re working on it (See “Eternity”).
- Utilities
- I find them quite useful, you’ll find them quite inaccessible. Besides, they’re not on your menu, are they. What did I tell you about that?
- Nuisance
- You.
Of course, I reserve the right to add, change, or remove anything from the above list. I’m not asking you to accept these matters without question, I’m telling you.
Now that we all know where we stand, I’m sure there’ll be no future problems. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to keep them to yourself. If you feel the need for more information, I highly recommend that you ask someone else.
Sincerely,
The System Manager
P.S. The new disk quota of 30 blocks per user became effective yesterday. Anyone caught exceeding the quota will lose their accounts (this means you, Russell!)
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