Instructions from the I.T. Department
- When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art.
- Don’t ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.
- If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, “I didn’t do anything.”
- When we say we’ll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won’t have to answer silly questions from us, like “what’s your screen saver password?”
- When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, “I can’t get my email”. We don’t need to know that the computer won’t even turn on.
- Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don’t really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.
- Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.
- When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn’t work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.
- If the document you sent to the printer didn’t print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.
- Don’t ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.
- Don’t waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?
- If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.
- Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.
- Don’t ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.
- Feel perfectly free to say things like “I don’t know anything about this computer crap”. We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
- When you receive a huge movie file that’s really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.
- Don’t bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.
- Don’t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.
- When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that’s the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.
- Don’t bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don’t need to keep track of those things.
- Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.
- Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.
Categories: Humor Tags: age, amp, animal, animals, are, as, baby pictures, bandwidth, bowling trophies, can, comp, computer, computer cables, copiers, disk, drive, Email, Emails, eq, error message, Files, Find, fix, flowers, FREE, fun, Great, hard drive, heck, help files, Internet, latest virus, mail, neighbors, Old, password, Picture, post, postcards, print, problem, Read, rtm, screen saver password, silly questions, space, test, the, uppercase, urgent emails, use, virus, word, you
Clampi Virus targets online banking
In the modern world, most people never see their bank (with the exception of ATM withdrawals). We use bill pay, direct deposit and bank debit cards. This is the exact behavior that the Clampi virus is living on.
Categories: Malware Tags: age, amp, antivirus, antivirus vendors, are, as, atm withdrawals, attempts, bank debit cards, business users, can, comp, computer, Download, downloads, exact behavior, Files, finance group, financial websites, FREE, heck, henry slack, Home, home users, housecall65, Internet, login credentials, london times, mcafee, Micro, microsoft, microsoft windows, microsoft windows operating systems, online, panda, pervasive threats, ports, quick, Read, REG, scanner, Security, security experts, security symantec, street banks, symantec, system, the, title, Tree, trendmicro, use, virus, warning, Web, website, Welcome, Window, WINDOWS, windows operating system, windows operating systems, wire transfers, word, work computer, World, you
Must Have Application for Thumb Drives
It’s a sign of the time, you can buy a thumb drive almost anywhere. I have even seen them in Gas Stations in the Omaha area.
Categories: SW Tags: action, age, amp, application, are, as, can, car park, comp, computer, computer memory, dailymail, data, disk, drive, drive encryption, emergency shutdown, eq, external users, Files, Find, FREE, free application, fun, functionality, gateway system, government computer system, government gateway, Home, home secretary, Installation, jacqui smith, laptop, laptops, mail, memory, memory stick, mom, News, Old, omaha area, online, parking tickets, passcodes, password, print, private contractor, private details, program, quick, rules, sign of the time, size, small footprint, Software, space, START, station, storage, storage space, system, the, thumb drive, title, use, Web, website, Window, word, World, you
The System Administrator from Hell
Some days I get emails that just have to be shared. This is one of them. All credit to the original author, though I don’t know who it is.
Categories: Humor Tags: administrator from hell, age, amp, are, as, backup, backups, blocks, calendar months, can, comp, computer, concern software, crash, data, dead, disk, Email, Emails, far, fast, Files, Find, FREE, game, games, heck, highlight, hyperspace, light, mail, Maintenance, menthol vapors, myst, mysterious beings, Office, password, passwords, problem, program, Read, Security, Software, space, spent three, START, system, the, time computer, time hardware, use, warning, Window, WINDOWS, word, you
What’s old is new again
Yesterday, Microsoft put out an advisory to a security vulnerability specific to the Windows Vista, Windows Server 2008 SP2, and Windows 7 RC operating systems. No other Windows operating systems, including Windows 7 RTM are impacted.
Categories: Windows Tags: acronym, age, Alert, application, are, as, attack, attacker, attackers, attempts, back in the day, Blocking, Blogs, broadband, bsod, can, color, comp, complete control, computer, computer users, data, disclosure, Find, fire, Firewall, FREE, fun, gem, Great, holy cow, Internet, mail, malicious attackers, Micro, microsoft, Old, oversight, ports, print, quality updates, Read, REG, registry, resolutions, rtm, Security, security vulnerabilities, security vulnerability, sp2, START, system, test, the, title, Updates, use, Vista, vulnerabilities, Window, WINDOWS, windows operating system, windows operating systems, windows server, word, you
Forget Park Place, I want to buy the Red Square
In case you have not hear about it, Monopoly is going global. According to Daily Mail UK, Google has been in contact with Hasbro to make a new Monopoly game that utilizes Google Maps.
Categories: SW Tags: 100 million, age, are, as, can, chance cards, current office, daily mail uk, dailymail, downing street, FREE, free game, game, garbage, global mail, google, google maps, hasbro, long time, mail, monopoly, new monopoly game, News, news article, Office, online, online game, park place, pennsylvania avenue, Read, red square, skyscraper, START, the, title, Tree, uk news, use, you
Categories: Internet Tags: 1980 games, addictive, adobe, age, arcade, are, armor games, as, attack, bubble bobble, can, classic video games, commodore 64 games, crazymonkey games, fantasy, fantasy sports game, Find, FREE, free commodore 64 games, free multi player games, free online games, free web game, free web games, game, game fantasy sports, game goodies, games, games halloween, Great, halloween game, Home, Kid, memory, multi player games, online, popcap games, ports, puzzle, spot, START, sudoku puzzle, the, title, use, warning, Web, web sudoku, wikipedia, Window, WINDOWS, World, you
Free PDF Writer
By now, most everyone has noticed that PDF files have become the prevailing format for secure and reliable distribution of electronic documents.
Categories: SW Tags: adobe, as, create pdf, cutepdf printer, electronic documents, Files, FREE, free pdf writer, handy files, interface, ms office products, PDF, pdf files, the
I Love this utility
One of my favorite websites to look at daily (ok many times a day) is Life Hacker. Today as I was going through some of their archived postings I found this.
Categories: SW Tags: age, anti virus, application, archived postings, arsenal, as, audacity, can, Download, downloads, family, few days, FREE, free loading, Great, hacker, inpost, Installer, internet tv, itunes, Malware, mom and dad, photo manager, picasa, program, Review, scanner, system optimization, test, text, the, tv player, View, vlc media player, Web, website, whiz, WINDOWS, xml file, you, ZIP
When is an antivirus really a virus?
Today I received a call from one of my external users that was unable to access any websites because some new antivirus was saying he was unprotected and every website had malicious code.
Since I know that we have McAfee 8.5 deployed to our users, I knew that this was not a McAfee issue. As we discussed it a little further he was mentioning that the Antivirus wanted him to purchase the software.
This isn’t the first I have heard of this. There is a software company Innovagest 2000 that is producing this software. They advertise it as an antispyware application, but it is the spyware. On some less then savory websites you will get a pop up that says that your computer maybe infected and they offer a free scan.
The fear of being infected motivates a lot of people to run this free scan. Unknown to them this application installs underneath and now you are stuck. On that note, I do recommend only doing the online scans from reputable sites. I personally recommend the following: Symantec, Panda, and McAfee.
This application is extremely hard to get rid of. It reregisters and installs if it is not completely uninstalled correctly.
I hate programs like this. But it is a fact of life out there. The modern day snake-oil salesman.
While the program is running you will see the following undesirable behavior:
- A “Windows Security Center” stating that you should purchase Personal Antivirus.
- Numerous alerts stating that your computer is under attack or that you have malware running on your computer. If you click on these alerts, Personal Antivirus will be installed, or you will be brought to the purchase page for the program.
- Your Internet Explorer browser will be hijacked to show security warnings when browsing the web that stop you from reaching your desired page.
As I mentioned before this bugger is very hard to get rid off. But not impossible. I found these instructions at BleepingComputer.com.
Categories: Malware Tags: age, Alert, antivirus, application, are, as, bugger, can, comp, computer, Download, downloads, external users, fact of life, fear, Files, fix, FREE, free scan, inpost, Installation, internet explorer, internet explorer browser, launch, malicious code, Malware, mcafee, online, panda, Personal Antivirus, print, program, quick, REG, registry, Review, Security, security warnings, snake oil salesman, Software, software company, spyware, symantec, the, undesirable behavior, View, virus, warning, Web, website, Welcome, WINDOWS, windows security center, you
New Computer Security Mistakes
I wanted to pass on what I see as some of the top computer security mistakes that most casual computers users make when first setting up a new computer:
Categories: General Tags: administrator account, age, amp, antivirus software, application, are, as, can, casual, Comodo, comp, computer, computer security, disk, Download, downloads, family, Files, fire, Firewall, FREE, home computer, inpost, Installer, microsoft, network admin, new computer, odds and ends, online, password, passwords, quick, Safety, safety measures, Security, security software, service pack 2, service pack 3, Software, system, test, the, virus, virus definition files, viruses, Vista, vista service pack, vulnerabilities, Welcome, WINDOWS, windows xp, windows xp service pack, word, you
Online Backup
A few days ago, I discussed a backup tool named Cobian and I promised to look into online space for offsite storage.
Categories: Internet Tags: age, application, are, as, backup, backup set, backup tool, backups, bandwidth issues, can, Cobian, comp, computer, critical data, disk, Download, downloads, Find, FREE, Ftc, initial impressions, mozy, odd case, quick, Review, running out of space, space, storage, storage place, system, the, thunderbird, voip phones, Web, WINDOWS, you
Cobian Backup Utility
A few posts ago I made a tongue in cheek comment to backing up. It did get me thinking a little bit about good FREE, and you will notice I like free, backup utilities that offered a good variety of backup options (location, spanning, archiving, and so on).
Categories: SW Tags: 7zip, backup, backup options, backup utilities, backup utility, benefit, Cobian, Download, easy as pie, FREE, free data storage, FTP, ftp upload, incremental updates, shadow copy, single file, storage, tongue in cheek, windows directory, winzip
