Posts Tagged ‘uneventful takeoff’

OS Airlines

• DOS Air­li­nes

Every­body pushes the air­plane until it gli­des, then jumps on and lets the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again and so on.

• DOS with QEMM Airlines

The same thing but with more leg room to push.

• MAC Air­li­nes

All the ste­wards, ste­war­des­ses, cap­tains, bag­gage hand­lers and tic­ket agents look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask ques­tions about details, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

• OS/2 Air­li­nes

To board the plane, you have your tic­ket stam­ped 10 dif­fe­rent times by stan­ding in 10 dif­fe­rent lines. Then you fill out a form sho­wing where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a pas­sen­ger train, or a bus. If you suc­ceed in get­ting on board the plane and the plane suc­ceeds in get­ting off the ground, you have a won­der­ful trip .… except times when the rud­der and flaps get fro­zen in posi­tion, in which case you have time to say your pra­yers and get your­self pre­pa­red before the crash.

• WINDOWS Air­li­nes

The air­port ter­mi­nal is nice and colour­ful, with friendly ste­wards and ste­war­des­ses, easy access to the plane, and an une­vent­ful takeoff … then the plane blows up without war­ning whatsoever.

• NT Air­li­nes

Ever­yone marches out on the run­way, says the pass­word in uni­son and forms the out­line of a plane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they’re flying.

• UNIX Air­li­nes

Ever­yone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the air­port. They all go out on the run­way and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing cons­tantly about what kind of plane they are building.