Posts Tagged ‘use’

Microsoft Office 2010 Beta

So I am going through my email yesterday and I come across an email from TechNet announcing the beta of Microsoft 2010.

Abbot and Costello with new style ‘Who’s on First’

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
And too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?'might have turned out something like this:

Is a Computer Male or Female

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.

Instructions from the I.T. Department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art.
2. Don’t ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.
3. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, “I didn’t do anything.”
4. When we say we’ll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won’t have to answer silly questions from us, like “what’s your screen saver password?”
6. When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, “I can’t get my email”. We don’t need to know that the computer won’t even turn on.
7. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don’t really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.
8. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.
9. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn’t work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.
10. If the document you sent to the printer didn’t print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.
11. Don’t ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.
12. Don’t waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?
13. If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.
14. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.
15. Don’t ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.
16. Feel perfectly free to say things like “I don’t know anything about this computer crap”. We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
17. When you receive a huge movie file that’s really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.
18. Don’t bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.
19. Don’t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.
20. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that’s the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.
21. Don’t bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don’t need to keep track of those things.
22. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.
23. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.

Clampi Virus targets online banking

In the modern world, most people never see their bank (with the exception of ATM withdrawals).  We use bill pay, direct deposit and bank debit cards.  This is the exact behavior that the Clampi virus is living on.

Must Have Application for Thumb Drives

It’s a sign of the time, you can buy a thumb drive almost anywhere.  I have even seen them in Gas Stations in the Omaha area.

The System Administrator from Hell

Some days I get emails that just have to be shared.  This is one of them.  All credit to the original author, though I don’t know who it is.

What’s old is new again

Yesterday, Microsoft put out an advisory to a security vulnerability specific to the Windows Vista, Windows Server 2008 SP2, and Windows 7 RC operating systems.  No other Windows operating systems, including Windows 7 RTM are impacted.

Forget Park Place, I want to buy the Red Square

In case you have not hear about it, Monopoly is going global.  According to Daily Mail UK, Google has been in contact with Hasbro to make a new Monopoly game that utilizes Google Maps.

Things Learned from the Internet

• You want it, you can find it online.
• If you don't want it, you can also find it online.
• It might take a while.
• Sometimes the hunt is half the fun.
• Everyone has a website. Grandfathers, mothers and babies. Everyone.
• At some point, Google became a verb.
• The difference between web surfing with Firefox and IE is the difference between body armor and a trendy cotton vest.
• If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
• The Internet is the geeks playground. Here, we rule.
• Not that you would ever need to know the dietary habits of the South American anteater, but it's comforting to know you could find it online if you did.
• When in doubt, Wikipedia.
• Anyone who uses the term 'Interweb' has never been online.
• Explaining the Internet to someone who's never been online, is like explaining the Magna Carta to your cat.
• Almost everything of substance can be summed up with a “DUDE! Check this out!' and a hyperlink.
• Be safe. Be cynical.
• Some else already said it first. But that doesn't mean it won't be said again, and again...
• The Internet IS redundancy.
• There is no such thing as 'sufficient bandwidth'.
• There's always something new.
• You can never go back once you've tried it.

Free Online Games

Orisinal - Gorgeous Flash animation, perfect for kids

Go Figure, Dirty sites are dirty…

Symantec, the makers of a very widely used array of internet security programs, has compiled a list of the 100 “dirtiest” sites.

Firefox Keyboard Shortcuts

1. Drag and drop
   • Drag the favicon of any site to your home icon to set it as the home page.
   • Drag a hyperlink (or image) to the new tab icon to open the link in a new tab.
   • Drag a highlighted word to the search bar (beside the address bar) will bring you to the Google search result page for that word. If you drag the highlighted word to the address bar (and press enter), Firefox will perform a Google “I’m Feeling Lucky” search

There are many things that you can drag and drop in Firefox.

Easily Remove Ads from Gmail

I enjoy the massacre of ads. This sentence will slaughter ads without a messy bloodbath.

Flip 3D your Firefox Tabs

Looking at all the evidence presented to me, Firefox is making major strides in browser preference among web surfers.  I know it is my browser of choice.

Great use for an old tool

I admit, I am a Stumbler.  I like to see what is out there.  Every now and then you come across a great gem like this one.  I found this here.